Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #3 3rd of February 2025
Dear Reader,
In the world of fertility treatments and family building, it often feels like everyone has an opinion about what you "should" do. But what happens when those opinions clash with your own values, beliefs, or intuition? This week, we're exploring the courage it takes to stay true to yourself on this complex journey.
This Week's Story: Finding Your Own Path
By Jacqueline Rivalsky
Instagram Handle: @Hopefully_Joyful_Journey
The best advice I can give is to stay true to yourself and your beliefs. Fertility is deeply personal, yet it seems everyone has an opinion. Some people will judge if you have children young, while others will make snarky comments if you wait until you’re older and established. For those of us dealing with infertility, the opinions only intensify—about IVF, holistic treatments, adoption, fostering, or what the “right” thing to do is.
For religious reasons, I knew treatments like IVF and IUI weren’t the right options for me. Yet, I know firsthand the weight of sitting in a doctor’s office and being told, “You’re out of options.” I remember feeling like I had lost everything and was struggling to find hope. When I turned to others for love and support, I only felt judged—by one side for even considering these options and by the other for not doing “everything possible.” This made me feel even more broken and alone.
Instead of listening to the many voices around you, take time to truly learn about your options—and yourself. Take time to remember what is important to you and everything you valued before infertility became an everyday thought. Make informed decisions based on what’s right for you and your family, not on the expectations of others.
What I’ve learned is that you have to honor your faith, values, and instincts, even when it’s hard or when others don’t understand. No one else knows the depth of your struggle or the complexity of your choices. It’s okay to wrestle with doubt and feel the tension between what’s possible and what aligns with your beliefs and the many other factors unique to your situation.
The key is to give yourself grace. Seek wisdom and support from those who respect your journey, even if they don’t agree with every decision you make. At the end of the day, the path to building or accepting your family is your own. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Trust that your story, even in its challenges, has meaning and beauty.
Deep Dive: The Wisdom of Your Body
On the fertility journey, we often become disconnected from our bodies - seeing them as something to be fixed or controlled rather than a source of wisdom to be heard. While medical expertise is crucial, your body holds its own deep intelligence about what it needs for balance and healing.
When we constantly override our body's signals in favour of others' opinions or societal expectations, the emotional toll can be huge. We might push through exhaustion because someone told us exercise would boost fertility, ignore our need for rest because we "should" be doing more, or suppress our grief because others say we need to "stay positive." This disconnect often leads to a deep sense of betrayal - not just from our body, but from ourselves. We might feel anxious, overwhelmed, and increasingly uncertain about our own intuition. The more we ignore our body's wisdom, the louder these feelings become, creating a cycle of disconnection that can leave us feeling lost and emotionally depleted.
Here's what I've learned about reconnecting with and honouring your body's wisdom:
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Understanding Body Messages
- Your body communicates through physical sensations, emotions, and energy levels
- Tension, fatigue, and emotional overwhelm are often signals asking for attention
- Even “negative” feelings in your body carry important information
- Learning to listen doesn’t mean you have to act on every signal
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Recognizing When You’re Disconnected
- Notice when you’re pushing through exhaustion or ignoring stress signals
- Be aware of times you override your body’s needs to meet others’ expectations
- Observe when you’re making decisions from external pressure rather than internal wisdom
- Pay attention to physical symptoms that arise during decision-making
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Creating Space for Body Wisdom
- Take regular pauses to check in with your body
- Notice what activities make you feel energized versus depleted
- Give yourself permission to rest when your body asks for it
- Trust that your body knows what pace is right for you
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Honouring Your Body’s Needs
- Respond to hunger, thirst, and fatigue without judgment
- Allow yourself to say no to activities that feel physically or emotionally draining
- Create routines that support your body’s natural rhythms
- Remember that your body’s needs may change day to day
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: Body Wisdom Check-In
When we're constantly receiving input from others about what we "should" do, our body's signals can get lost in the noise. This gentle practice helps you reconnect with your body's wisdom:
The PAUSE Practice (Practice Awareness Using Somatic Exploration)
- Find a quiet moment where you won't be interrupted
- Settle into a comfortable position and take three slow breaths
- Bring to mind a decision or situation you're facing
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Notice:
- What sensations arise in your body? (Tension, lightness, heaviness, warmth, etc.)
- Where in your body do you feel these sensations?
- Does your breathing change?
- What emotions surface?
- Without trying to change anything, simply observe these signals
- Ask your body: "What do you need right now?"
- Stay with whatever arises for a few moments
You can use this practice daily, but it is particularly helpful before making decisions or when feeling overwhelmed by others' opinions. Over time, you'll develop a clearer understanding of your body's unique language.
Remember: Your body's signals are neither right nor wrong - they're simply information to help guide you.
Your Story Matters
Have you found yourself navigating difficult decisions on your fertility journey? Would you like to share your story with our community? Your words could help others feel less alone in their choices.
If you'd like to contribute to a future newsletter, please reply to this email. Your story matters, and this is a safe space to share it.
Exciting News!
I've just opened a waitlist for therapy sessions. If you're interested in working together to navigate your fertility journey in a way that honours your values and beliefs, reply to this email to join the waitlist.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace 💕
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
