Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #8 10th March 2025
Dear Reader,
There are days on this journey when just getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. When the thought of one more appointment, one more day of unknowns, one more well-meaning question about "any news?" seems impossible to face. If you've felt this bone-deep exhaustion—know that you are not alone.
This Week's Story: The Marathon I Never Signed Up For
Anonymous
God, I'm tired. So bloody tired.
Before all this fertility stuff, I was always on the go. Up at 5am for spin class, jam packed weekends, work drinks mid-week, it was constant. My friends used to joke I was the Duracell bunny. But things have changes. Last week, I had to cancel lunch because I just couldn't face getting dressed.
It's been 2.5 years of trying. 2 failed IVF rounds. Constant appointments. And it's not just the physical stuff (though the hormones are BRUTAL), it's the emotional load too. I'm literally never not thinking about it. What day of my cycle is it? Did I remember the supplements? Should we try a different clinic? Why the hell isn't this working?
My husband's great but I can see he doesn't really get it. How could he? He's not the one injecting himself, or having his bits prodded by strangers twice a week. And my friends... I've basically ghosted half of them. It’s just so tiring explaining the constant changes to my health and fertility status.
Last Tuesday I had a complete meltdown because I couldn't find my thermometer. I was sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing at 6am. Over a thermometer! WTF! But I was just done.
Sometimes I give myself a day off from it all. No researching, no fertility diet, no symptom-spotting. I eat pizza and watch rubbish TV and try forget about it all. It helps for a bit. Then the guilt kicks in because what if that's the reason it's not working?
Sorry for the ramble. Guess I needed to vent.
Deep Dive: The Hidden Layers of Fertility Fatigue
The exhaustion of infertility goes far beyond physical tiredness. It's a fatigue that affects your whole body and brain:
1. Physical Depletion
Your body is working overtime with hormone medications causing fatigue, headaches, and sleep disruptions. Endless appointments—blood draws, ultrasounds, procedures—each require time and often involve physical discomfort. The exhaustion you feel has real physiological roots.
2. Mental Overload
The cognitive burden is relentless—tracking cycles, researching treatments, weighing options, and making decisions about next steps. This constant mental processing is constantly on in the background, making it harder to focus on anything else.
3. Emotional Weight
Perhaps most draining is the emotional impact—the constant cycle of hope and disappointment, managing grief while fielding insensitive comments, putting on a brave face at social events. Each setback requires emotional processing that demands energy which doesn't replenish with just rest.
4. Stolen Time
Infertility steals your time in both obvious and subtle ways—hours in waiting rooms and recovering from procedures, but also time lost to worrying and processing emotions. Projects get postponed, fun feels like too much effort, and all the while, your aware of time ticking away.
5. Social Drain
Human connection should energize us, but during infertility, social interactions often become draining. Conversations require careful navigation, celebrations become anxiety provoking, and well-meaning questions require responses that often deplete you further. Many withdraw socially, not from lack of desire for connection, but from lack of energy for the emotional input required.
Managing When You Can't Take It All Away
Much of this exhaustion cannot be completely eliminated, but there are ways to manage it:
- Validate your experience: Your exhaustion is real and has legitimate causes.
- Lower expectations: This isn't forever, but for now, you may need to reduce what you expect of yourself.
- Set boundaries: Learn to say no without guilt. Protect your limited energy.
- Share the load: Where possible, delegate tasks and ask for specific help.
- Create calming moments: Build small recovery periods into your day—five minutes of deep breathing, a short walk outside, a moment of stillness.
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: Energy Mapping
Take a piece of paper and draw three columns: "Depletes," "Neutral," and "Replenishes." Throughout the week, note which activities, people, and situations fall into each category. Be specific—not just "social events" but "lunch with Sarah" or "family gatherings."
At the end of the week, look for patterns. Are there depleting activities you can reduce? Or replenishing ones you can increase? Create a simple plan for introducing activities that give you energy back when you're running on empty.
Your Story Matters
Living with the exhaustion of infertility can feel isolating, but sharing our experiences helps others feel seen. If you have strategies that have helped you manage the fatigue of this journey, or simply want to share your experience, please reply to this email. You can remain anonymous, and your story could be featured in a future newsletter.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace 💕
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
