Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #15 19th May 2025
Dear Reader,
There are moments on this fertility journey that highlight the contrast between experiencing something as a professional versus as someone personally affected. This weekend was one of those moments for me.
This Week's Story: The Overwhelming Fertility Industry
By Dr. Grace
This weekend, I represented Fertility Action at The Fertility Show, and I couldn't help but reflect on my unique perspective, being both a professional in this space AND someone on my own fertility journey. The difference was striking. I was there in my professional capacity, but I couldn't ignore how overwhelmed I would have been if I were there solely as someone struggling with fertility.
Walking into that massive exhibition hall, I was immediately struck by the size of it. Dozens of clinics, supplement companies, and holistic providers, all promising solutions and/or hope. I watched people clutching bags full of leaflets, their eyes wide and sometimes teary. Many looked overwhelmed, and understandably so. I couldn’t help but reflect on how overwhelmed I would be feeling if I didn’t have the buffer of being in "work mode." The fertility industry is now worth billions, and with that comes an avalanche of products and "solutions".
Don't get me wrong, there were lot of legitimate, compassionate providers there. People doing important work. But they were sometimes drowned out by the flashier booths and bolder claims.
If you're currently trying to make sense of all the information out there, please know this: It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's normal to want to try everything. And it's completely reasonable to need help sorting through it all.
Deep Dive: Decision Fatigue on the Fertility Journey
One of the most exhausting aspects of infertility is the constant decision-making. From the moment you realise conception isn't happening easily, you face choices that often feel impossible to make:
1. Information Overload
There is so much information out there but not all of it is helpful. For those of us on a fertility journey, this means facing overwhelming and often contradictory advice. Should you try OI or IUI before IVF? Is that supplement worth the cost? Should you switch clinics?
The challenge isn't just about having too much information, it's about discerning what's relevant to YOUR specific situation. Your fertility journey is unique, with its own medical context, emotional landscape, and financial considerations. What worked for someone in a Facebook group might not be appropriate for you.
2. The Emotional Weight of Each Decision
Every fertility related choice carries emotional significance far beyond ordinary decisions. Choosing whether to try another round of IVF isn't just a medical or financial decision, it's wrapped up in your hopes, fears, grief, and identity.
Many of my clients describe feeling paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" choice, as if there's a perfect decision out there that will guarantee success, if only they can find it.
3. Making decisions together
If you’re navigating infertility with a partner it means two people with different emotional responses, risk tolerances, and hopes, must somehow reach a consensus on these bog decisions.
I often see couples struggling when they're not aligned on next steps. Perhaps one partner is ready to consider donor eggs while the other wants to try another round with their own gametes. These differences aren't signs that something is wrong with the relationship; they're normal responses to an abnormal situation.
4. The Moving Goalposts
Perhaps most challenging is how our fertility decisions can change so regularly. What you decide today might need to be reconsidered tomorrow based on new test results, changing finances, or evolving emotional capacity.
Many people begin their fertility journey with clear boundaries: "We'll try for one year naturally, then seek help." But as these lines are crossed, new ones need to be drawn. This is exhausting but is also evidence of our remarkable capacity to adapt and persevere.
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: This Week's Self-Care Exercise
This week, I invite you to practice one or two of the below suggestions:
- Create decision-free zones: Designate certain times or spaces where fertility decisions are off the table. In my house we have a “not past 8pm policy”. We are not allowed to bring up any big stressful topics, particularly those requiring decisions, past 8pm. This protects time in our evening to rest and can help slow my “busy brain” for when it comes to sleep time.
- Seek informed but neutral guidance: Work with professionals who inform rather than direct.
- Reconnect with your intuition: Practices like mindful movement or journaling can help reconnect you with your internal compass.
- Remember there are no perfect decisions: Only decisions that make sense for you with the information you have right now.
Your Story Matters
The community would love to hear from you. If you feel able to share some or all of your story, anonymously or otherwise, please get in touch by replying to this email. Your experiences could help others feel less alone.
Quick Note: There will be no newsletter next week due to the UK bank holiday. We'll be back in your inbox the following week.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace 💕
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
